Brand Identity Disorder: Guide on crafting a memorably disastrous Brand Identity

Welcome to another uproarious installment of Fubar Branding, where we take a satirical dive into the chaotic world of branding! Brace yourself because today’s whirlwind adventure is all about the bewildering realm of Brand Identity. This puzzling topic is so essential that it could make or break your brand from day one. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you navigate this perplexing subject with our signature blend of humor and, dare we say, wisdom.

Now, we could have just told you to head straight to “Logo Makers” like Looka or TailorBrands, and create your logo directly by choosing the colors and shapes you like (and may the branding gods have mercy on your taste), but where’s the fun in that? Instead, we decided to go the hard way and explain, step by step, how to ruin your brand identity with style!

In this topsy-turvy world of Fubar Branding, we’ll explore the magnificent importance of strategically planned Brand Identity, which is firmly rooted in your brand’s values and personality. We’ll shed light on why you absolutely must analyze your industry, competitors, and consumers before taking the plunge into the kaleidoscope of colors, typography, and logos. So, hold onto your hats and glasses, folks, because we’re about to embark on a wild ride through the ins and outs of Brand Identity Chaos — a journey where you’ll either find your essence or fade into oblivion.

The art of shooting yourself in the foot: Ostrich Strategy

In the zany, madcap world of Fubar Branding, we simply love the idea of ignoring everything around us, especially when it comes to our industry, competitors, and consumers. Because, let’s face it, who needs context or understanding when you can just wing it and hope to get away with it, right?

Well, dear reader, allow us to present you with the “Ostrich Strategy” — a surefire way to steer your brand straight into the abyss of irrelevance. By burying your head in the sand and turning a blind eye to the realities of the market, you can ensure a spectacular brand catastrophe that will leave onlookers agog with amazement. Or, you know, cringing in secondhand embarrassment.

But, on the flip side of this coin of folly, we must begrudgingly admit the importance of understanding your market and target audience. You see, by analyzing your industry, competitors, and consumers, you can actually (and rather boringly) avoid disaster and give your brand a fighting chance in the brutal world of business.

So, what does this mean for you? Well, to put it bluntly, it means you have a choice: embrace the delightful chaos of the Ostrich Strategy and risk having your brand sink like a stone, or buckle down and analyze your market to craft a brand identity that actually stands a chance. The decision is yours, but we know which option has more charisma.

The Wild West of Branding: The Land Without the Values

Ah, brand values, the pesky little canons that guide a brand’s actions and decisions. Let’s dive into the wonderfully chaotic world of brands without values and explore the sheer hilarity that ensues.

In the land of Fubar Branding, we believe that it’s much more fun to have a brand that contradicts itself at every turn. After all, inconsistency is the spice of life! Why have a clear and cohesive brand identity when you can confuse your customers?

Consider a brand that sells eco-friendly products but simultaneously endorses and partners with Oil Companies known for their environmental negligence. The result? A spectacular display of irony and a befuddled audience trying to make sense of it all.

Or how about a luxury brand that prides itself on exclusivity only to launch a budget line accessible to the masses? Talk about a recipe for brand identity whiplash! Watch as your loyal customers scratch their heads, wondering if they’ve accidentally stumbled into an alternate universe.

Ultimately, brand values are just an annoying set of guidelines that limit the exhilarating pandemonium that can ensue when a brand has no clear direction. So, go ahead and throw caution to the wind. Create a brand without values, and let the chaos reign supreme!

Brand Personality: The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Approach

You see, dear reader, a consistent brand personality is like a reliable friend, always there to guide your target audience through the tumultuous journey of consumer life. But what happens when a brand goes rogue and develops multiple personalities? It’s fun. Well, also chaos, confusion, and hilarity ensue!

Imagine a clothing brand that one day channels a bohemian vibe with flowing, earth-toned garments, and the next, transforms into a cutting-edge, futuristic fashion house. Or the tech company that wants to be playful and serious, with a logo resembling a cartoon character yet a corporate tagline that could make even the most stoic CEO shed a tear.

Branding expert Marty Neumeier once said, “Your brand is not what you say it is, it’s what they say it is.” And in this case, “they” are likely saying, “What on earth is going on with this brand?”

So, let us toast to the well-ruined, undefined, and inconsistent brand personality, for it is the bedrock upon which “unshakable” brand identity is built. And to those brands who’ve chosen to wing it, we salute your brave (and entertaining) journey into the unknown.

The Tower of Brand Babel: Mixing up messages with conflicting visuals and verbal nonsense

In this thrilling chapter, we delve into the dazzling world of colors, typography, and geometry, where your brand’s values and personality come to life. Brace yourself for an adventure into the land of visual and verbal elements, all wrapped up in our delightful Fubar Branding style.

Picture this: a luxury fashion brand with a name that evokes the essence of sophistication yet uses comic sans as its primary font. Or a children’s toy company that opts for a dark, gothic color palette. Talk about an identity crisis! When your visual elements fail to align with your brand values and personality, you’re in for a wild ride of confusion and chaos.

So, why not embrace the madness and see how far you can push the limits? After all, who needs a coherent and consistent brand image when you can have an assortment of mismatched elements that leave your audience scratching their heads in bewilderment?

If there’s one thing Fubar Branding loves, it’s a good brand story. A tale so convoluted and twisted that it defies all logic, leaving your target audience baffled and amused. Why bother with a clear and concise brand statement when you can have a lengthy, cryptic manifesto?

And don’t even get us started on slogans and names. Who needs a catchy, memorable tagline when you can have an obscure, nonsensical phrase that no one can pronounce? After all, the more perplexing and bursty, the better!

So, dear reader, let us raise a glass to the art of neglecting brand values and personality when developing visual and verbal elements. May your brand identity be a kaleidoscope of mismatched colors, fonts, and statements, as you courageously forge ahead into the wacky world of Fubar Branding.

Well, dear reader, we’ve reached the end of our rollercoaster ride through the wild and wacky world of Fubar Branding. From ignoring industry analysis to valiantly winging it with brand values and personality, we’ve covered all the bases in our satirical guide to strategically planning a brand identity.

But wait, there’s more! Let’s not forget our foray into the perplexing realm of visual and verbal elements, where we reveled in the sheer chaos of mismatched colors, typography, and cryptic slogans. All in the name of upholding the highest degrees of perplexity and burstiness, of course.

As you set forth on your own branding journey, remember to embrace the Fubar philosophy wholeheartedly. After all, who needs a well-thought-out, coherent brand identity when you can create a delightful mess of contradictions and confusion? So, put on your bravest face and venture forth into the absurdity that is Fubar Branding — your audience will be left gasping for air, equal parts amused and bewildered.

And with that, we bid you adieu, our fellow Fubar fanatics! May your brand identities be as perplexing and bursty as humanly possible, and may the Fubar spirit guide you to new heights of contextual relevance and coherence. Or, you know, the exact opposite.

Disclaimer

It’s essential to note that the Fubar Branding series, with its humorous and satirical approach, is intended for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as actual advice for managing a brand. While it suggests ignoring crucial aspects of branding, it inadvertently highlights the importance of these elements, demonstrating that successful branding requires quite the opposite of the cheeky advice it offers. So proceed with caution and a healthy dose of skepticism! (God, We can’t believe we had to write it).

For more insights and in-depth articles, visit our Knowledge Base to continue exploring the fascinating world of branding and marketing.